She says:

yay! our combined blog is up! hahaha. i'm not sure who'll be reading it though.. haven't told anyone about it yet.. probably just some close friends like project o, choons, ger, gwendo.. yep!

so anyways, this blog is somewhat private.. cuz both khye and i will be writing down stuff that we go through in this relationship.. be it good or bad.. it'll all be here.. but i doubt that he'll be blogging alot.. haha. even his own personal blog he seldom updates.. so yea.. i'll be doing most of the posts here..

mmm.. just wanna share something about faith and trust in a relationship.. i tink it'll be quite long-winded.. so bear with me k? :))

in past relationships.. both khye and i had difficulty trusting our "steads" haha. for me, its because i've been cheated and lied to time and time again.. i had an ex-boyfriend of 3years.. we got together when we were sec 1.. (i know.. so young rite! hahaha) but in between.. we've broken up like 10 million times.. haha. ok, i'm exaggerating.. its probably arnd 8-10 times.. and its always he who initiates the break-up.. and after breaking up.. he'd find himself another girl (lets call her HS) within 2-3 days.. then i'd cry and cry.. feeling sorry for myself..

haha. its pathetic i tell u.. i would even go to the extent of begging him to get back with me.. ugh. i know.. SO DUMB!! -.- wad can i say.. i was young, naive and stupid.. and the thing is.. he'd reject me.. and just as i was learning to get over him.. he comes back.. so, feeling all softhearted.. i stupidly patched up with him.. and after 1 week.. he'd leave me again and get back with HS.. so things kept going in circles this way.. he jumped around from me to HS for a few months.. ha. i also dunno wad did the both of us see in him that made us stick to him so much.. ok, so the final time.. he decided to leave HS once and for all and stay by my side.. of cuz, i'd feel happy la.. HS and i used to hate each other cuz of him please.. so when he finally chose me.. i was like "YES! haha. i win! in your face b*tch!" lols.

yea.. so we were quite stable for another few months.. then it happened again! this time.. with another girl (YW).. yep.. so he hopped around the both of us.. and i still stupidly kept sticking to him.. yep.. similar situation as before.. but in the end.. he chose to be with me again.. so yes.. i win again! hahaha.

but its like.. even though we're together.. i could never really trust him.. whenever he's out with his frens.. i'd tink alot.. "is he out with HS or YW or with another girl?" i'd constantly check his hp inbox to see if he's texting any girls.. yep.. stuff like that.. i felt so insecure.. cuz i know that he could leave me anytime.. its happened so many times.. and it can definitely happen again..

being in this relationship was like being on an emotional rollercoaster ride.. we'd have our good times.. but when things turn ugly.. its horrible.. he was hot-tempered.. when he flares.. he'll start punching walls and throwing stuff around.. wad makes it worse was that i used to be hot-tempered as well.. so when we quarrel.. we show no mercy.. hahaha. once, things got so heated up that he threw a packet of chicken rice at me.. but missed.. it was real close ok! whoa.. i was shocked.. so i just walked away..

then, not long after.. a fren started bringing me to church.. i accepted Christ.. and as i grew in the Lord.. i realised that the relationship i was in, is a dead-end.. no point continuing it.. besides, i no longer feel the emptiness i once had.. the emptiness that i longed for was to be loved.. to have someone's attention.. and i realised that i was looking for it in all the wrong places.. i learnt that i no longer need to be a slave to this relationship.. to suffer emotionally.. to be hurt by him all the time.. i had enuff.. i told myself that i deserved better.. so i decided to break it off with him..

yep.. so as you've read.. its really hard for me to trust men after that.. i mean.. its not just me.. even my close girlfriends went through wad i did.. their boyfriends would cheat on them behind their backs.. wads more.. in secondary school.. i had a lot of close "brothers".. some of them would tell me that they're sick of their girlfriends and are looking for new ones.. stuff like that.. so i always had the perception that men are jerks.. and they can never be trusted.. that they're all players..

mmm.. and as for khye.. he has his bad experiences too.. with his ex girlfriends that made him doubt..

okok.. so back to the situation between khye and i.. mmm.. its because of all these bad past experiences that made us lose faith in the opposite sex.. its been about 2 and a half months for us now.. and we're really learning and trying to have a deeper trust for one another.. wads more, we've got God in the center of this relationship.. we know that He will help us through.. and indeed.. God is faithful..

like yesterday.. i was bored.. so i went around reading people's blog.. and happened to come across one of his ex-girlfriend's (geraldine's) blog.. so i was reading.. and saw his tags on her tagboard.. he asked her is she was free at the end of april to go down to NYP to watch and support his musical production.. hahaha. to be honest.. when i saw that.. my heart sank.. negative thots came running thru my head.. "does he miss her? is it the reason why he's asking her to watch the musical? just so that they can see each other.." (kinda psycotic.. i know.. lols.) to make things worse.. i suddenly remembered a nitemare i had a few weeks ago.. i dreamt that khye and i had a huge argument.. he broke up with me.. and got back together with geraldine.. whoa.. i was seriously freaking out man.. but after awhile.. i felt calm.. it was the peace of God.. He reminded and reassured me of khye's love and faithfulness.. when i regained my sanity.. i laughed to myself and said "eh.. wtp.. u're dumb, cal.." hahaha.. and i sms-ed him and told him about it..

his reply: "lol seems like the devil attack both of us the same way! something to confess.. i sneak into jeffs blog =X if you know wad i mean.. but i'm learning not to doubt.. i trust you!"

haha. ok, so.. jeffs is one of my good frens from secondary school.. khye knows that i used to like him.. but thats like some urban legend that happened 4years ago.. lols. we're really good buddies and we tend to meet up sometimes to study or have dinner together.. cuz we're both living in bedok.. but i've not been out with him since khye and i got together.. so in jeffs blog.. i tagged "hows u? been a long time since we last met" and he replied "meet up soon!" and i replied again "sure.. i miss bedok 85's ba chor mee".. hahaha. when khye saw the tags.. he tried to not let his imagination run wild.. but somehow when he sleeps.. he'll get nitemares.. dreaming that i'll leave him and get together with jeffs.. lols. (our story so drama rite..)

ha! anyways, later that night.. we talked things out.. and promised that we'll be transparent with one another.. that we'll not keep things to ourselves.. that we'll trust one another wholeheartedly.. and as we talked.. we realised that God was present through it all.. He helped us overcome our problem of trust.. the devil tried to ruin the relationship by filling it with doubt.. but God was there to remind us.. to reassure us.. and instead of ruining the relationship.. this has helped us up another level.. we're now able to trust one another better..

then khye had a revelation.. mmm.. if u hvnt noticed.. khye and i are kinda sticky to one another.. hahaha. its like whenever u see him, u'll see me.. and vice-versa.. and he shared his revelation with me..

he said "you see ah.. right now, we're so close.. always together.. i think its because God wants us to spend time and get to know one another better.. to build on our trust.. so that in future, when we go on missions/work.. we'll be able to handle our time apart.. with total trust of one another because we won't know how long we'll be apart for.. and through it all, our love will still stay strong.."

how true! hehe. its really great to see the hand of God over our lives and over this relationship.. i feel a sense of relief.. so safe and secure that we're heading in the right direction..

Thank You Jesus :))